Problems Conceiving A Baby: Infertility Military Style, Part 1

by Heather on November 13, 2013

problems conceiving a baby

Problems Conceiving A Baby: Infertility Military Style, Part 1

 

After Monday’s post, I wasn’t really sure where to start with sharing my journey of infertility. So, I figured some background would be in order. A journey has to start somewhere, and mine started at our first duty station as a married couple: Newport, Rhode Island.

I always thought we might have problems conceiving a baby. I had an irregular cycle from day one, and I have some family history of conception issues. Of course, my brother and I are here, so that gave me hope.

Adam and I thought we’d wait 2-3 years before trying to have a baby. But we both started to have a change of heart after only a few months of marriage. We got married in January, and by August I was off the pill. Even though we were still not “trying” yet, I just wanted to get the pill out of my system.

(I wish we’d known that we didn’t really need any contraceptive aids all along because I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant anyway. Ugh…)

 

Ready, Set, Oh wait…

In November, I remember sitting in a Mexican restaurant (those are hard to come by anywhere near Naval Station Newport!), discussing kids. It was a really sweet, exciting conversation. At the end of the talk, we looked at each other awestruck and said, “Well, I guess it’s official. We’re ready to start trying to have a baby.”

We left thinking that within 10 months time we could have a squirming, squealing little baby on our hands. But it didn’t pan out like that.

 

Hope Deferred Makes The Heart Sick

I think it’s those exciting hopes that make the path of infertility so difficult. You know exactly how long it takes to “bake” a baby. You know you have a few days worth of chances each month in order to conceive.

And it only takes one moment on a single day, when your cycle starts or when you take that test, to crush all the dreams you had that month. Then it’s another month until you could get pregnant. It’s adding a month on the end of the nine you’d counted out… the nine months after which you could be holding your little bundle.

It’s the, “If we get pregnant this month, we’ll have a baby at Christmas.” That becomes, “If we get pregnant this month, we can tell people at Christmas.” And then Christmas rolls around, and you’re still not pregnant… and there is a little sad piece of your heart, even amidst all the joy of the season.

 

Testing Begins, Planning Ends

So anyway, after we continued to have problems conceiving a baby, we jumped in to the first step in the journey: tests. Because I had an extremely irregular cycle, they decided I wasn’t ovulating at all. Not good news, but because of it, I was able to get an early referral out to fertility.

Usually it takes a year of trying, at least on Tricare, before they will refer you out. Of course, I just talked to a friend who was kept waiting for two years w/o a referral because her on-base doctor “really thought he could get her on track,” so he wouldn’t refer her out. (Don’t get me started on Tricare Prime, but if you want to hear more you can check out this post.)

In my case, after getting a referral, and finally getting an appointment at a fertility specialist, what happened next?

Of course. We PCS’d. (Permanent Change of Station = we moved.) Delay, delay, wait, wait… all our plans were put on hold.

Looking Back

This was just the beginning of my frustrations and problems conceiving a baby. I can’t say that it was fun, but looking back, I learned a few things.

One is that sometimes during a hard time, it’s probably a good thing you don’t know how long the trial is going to be and how it’s going to turn out. I mean, if you had told me when I was 20 that I wouldn’t get married until I was 30, I might have fallen into depression and become a weird cat lady. Or actually a dog lady. But instead I kept on living day by day.

And that’s what you have to do on the road of infertility. You don’t know how it’s going to end. You don’t even know what will happen this month, or tomorrow. (Unless, like me, your husband is deployed, then you can be pretty darn sure you won’t be getting pregnant anytime soon!)

Sometimes it’s good when we have to realize that we don’t always get things exactly the way we want. Our plans don’t always happen perfectly, and there just might be Someone out there who knows what’s best for us.

I personally believe God is sovereign (all powerful) over all our circumstances. He allows hard times and allows us to struggle, often so we turn to Him for wisdom, strength and guidance. Then, when and if we get what we were hoping for all along, it’s easier to see it for the gift it really is. In my case, the gift she really is.

It’s not always about the destination. It’s about the journey. And I’m on it with you.

More to come! You’re in my prayers.

Much love,
Heather

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