Why I Commit A Risky Military Spouse Error

by Heather on April 21, 2016

military spouse error

Why I Commit A Risky Military Spouse Error

Sometimes I find myself dreaming about moving to San Diego after we leave Virginia. The beautiful streets of Coronado… our favorite crepe stand at the Little Italy Farmer’s Market… the year-round sunshine… I’m smitten and I can’t wait. The problem is, we don’t have orders there. Not even penciled in. And yet, I want to move back there SO badly, I’m taking a big risk and knowingly committing a huge military spouse error– I have my heart set on our next duty station! (cue thunder cloud sound effect)

Since I’ve been a military spouse for a while now, it seems like a pretty stupid risk to take because I know I may be completely disappointed.

With the Navy (or any other branch, let’s be honest), nothing is ever set in stone– I’ve heard of people getting HARD COPY orders changed at the last minute. Like the week before they were supposed to move.

I could be setting myself up for an enormous disappointment if we don’t get orders there, so bad that any other orders we get could be devastating.

And even if we do get orders there, with all this build-up, I’m probably idealizing it so much that it might not be all that I’m expecting it to be. (After all, when we lived there before we were engaged, going on dates constantly, eating out all the time, and getting ready for our wedding!)

military spouse error

But even with all the risks, I’m actually ok with letting myself dream about moving to San Diego.

Here’s why:

I’ve seen that good can come out of a duty station I didn’t want. I know I will be disappointed if we don’t move there, but I didn’t want to move to NAS Whidbey and I ended up having a good time there. I met a ton of friends, we had our first child there, and we were within driving distance of family. It wasn’t my favorite duty station of all-time, but it had a lot of positives.

I’ve learned how to handle and avoid a bad attitude. As much as I ended up enjoying NAS Whidbey, I started out there with a terrible attitude. I learned the hard way that enjoying life is a choice, and I learned how to make the best of a difficult situation (you can get the whole story in my ebook!). So I know that even if we don’t get the orders we’re hoping for, I’ve learned how not to be and I won’t be repeating my poor attitudes from the past.

I truly LOVE my life right now, so I’m not wishing away the days. I let myself dream because I’m still living life to the fullest here in Virginia. It’s easy to start thinking ahead and then just want to be gone from where you’re at– emotionally and physically.

But I have great friends here, we’re on shore duty so hubby’s actually around, I’m SO happy to be pregnant and preparing for baby, and I love all the sunshine and the many things to do here. In fact the only real reason we want to move away from here is to get closer to family on the West Coast (And hubby would say, away from the humidity). So I’m being careful not to wish away our time here but to embrace it and enjoy it!

Ultimately I know that God is in control. The sermon this week at church was “God is the potter, we are the clay.” God has purposes for us that we don’t always know or understand, but he’s sovereign (all knowing and all powerful) over our circumstances.

So I know that if we don’t get the orders we want, we’ll have to deal with some disappointment, but I’ll still have the peace of knowing that it’s all going to work out for good. It says in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

So I’ll keep dreaming about the beautiful streets of Coronado, our favorite crepe stand at the Little Italy Farmer’s Market, and the year-round sunshine… knowing that God has a bigger plan for our lives than we can dream. And sometimes He does give us what we’re dreaming for. So we’ll just wait and see. =)


UPDATE: If you want to hear where we got verbal orders to, head over to this article!

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Alyssa Decker April 29, 2016 at 3:21 pm

Hi, I just read your post about setting your heart on a duty station and I saw that you had been in Whidbey! I was in the Navy and was stationed there for 4 years! I met my husband there as he was stationed there as well and now I am out of the military and he is now currently stationed at Pt. Mugu and we now live in Oxnard, CA. We are also Christians and I just thought that it seemed like you and I had so much in common that I wanted to say hello! We currently have our hearts set on Jacksonville for my husband’s next duty station so I kind of understand what you were saying in your post (though I’ve never lived in Jax, but I did go to A-School in Pensacola and my in-laws live about 40 minutes from Pensacola in Alabama.. so I’ve gotten a taste of the weather out that way). Anyway, I hope you make it back to San Diego (or already have.. I’m not actually sure when you made this post). 🙂

– Alyssa Decker


2 Heather May 1, 2016 at 8:04 pm

Hi Alyssa! Thanks for your note! It’s fun to connect with another Christian spouse, and that is so cool that you were stationed at Whidbey. My hubby was at Pt. Mugu before we met and he absolutely loved it. I just wrote that post last week and we actually just found out we have verbal orders to San Diego! We are thrilled but also are not getting 100% excited until those written orders come in LOL. So hopefully that works out. I hope you get Jax! We were there for 6 months and it was great. It does get hot but if you’ve lived in Pensacola I’m sure you know what you’re getting into. =) Thanks again for saying hi and best of luck to you! -Heather


3 Alyssa May 22, 2016 at 2:58 pm

Hey Heather,
I’m so happy for you guys that you got the verbal confirmation on San Diego! We will put you in our prayers that it gets set in stone! So excited for you and your family! Thank you for responding to my message, I agree, it’s so nice to connect with another Christian spouse. 🙂 Happy travels and God Bless!


4 Heather May 24, 2016 at 8:19 pm

Hi Alyssa! Thank you so much! God bless you all too and thanks again for connecting. Maybe our paths will cross at some point =)


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