Grief During The Holidays: Infertility Military Style, Part 3

by Heather on December 18, 2013

Grief During The Holidays

Grief During The Holidays: Infertility Military Style, Part 3;

Remembering What Could Have Been And Embracing What We Have


Grief during the holidays sneaks up on us. As we scurry through the season, it’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle. But every once in a while when I think about those days between Christmas and New Years, I remember what I’m missing. That was the week I was supposed to deliver our first child.

This December 26th marks one year from the due date of our first pregnancy, which we lost in the spring of 2012. I wasn’t very far along in my pregnancy when we lost the baby. But we were far enough to dream. We dreamed of when we would tell our families. We started planning what Christmas might be like with a new baby or being 40 weeks pregnant. We talked about how the poor kid would have a birthday so close to Christmas. We fell in love.

Joy Mixed With Sadness

Last year, December 26th wasn’t a gut-wrenching day, but it was a poignant moment. It was a soft remembrance of what was and then wasn’t. I think it wasn’t as painful as it could have been because it was also a day of great joy. Even in our loss, we had been given a new blessing. I was 20 weeks pregnant.

It was a strange, mixed feeling. Even though now we have our sweet little Pippa, it still is a bittersweet feeling. We know that she is exactly the child God desired to bring onto this planet. We know that had our first pregnancy carried to term, we wouldn’t have our sweet Pea. And we are so head over heels for her; we can’t fathom not having her.

But still, during this season we remember and feel that loss. We believe we will see our child again in heaven, and that gives us hope. I feel like there’s a connection with all other moms and dads who have lost a pregnancy.  I  imagine all of our children playing together in heaven at the feet of Jesus, waiting for their parents to arrive and sweep them up into a huge monster hug.

Other Causes Of Grief During The Holidays

And there are many other types of loss. When I was single, I remember feeling alone at the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables. I have many friends who have lost parents, grandparents, spouses, children or other loved ones. Some are estranged from family members. I know others who have to spend another Christmas without the child they have longed for and prayed for.

When everyone is together it can be very painful, amidst feelings of joy. I have found that life is usually not either joy or pain, experiencing only one at a time. It’s often a mix of both at once.

And I know for some, the grief is much deeper this season, more recent and extremely difficult to bear. Please know you’re in my prayers today and throughout this holiday season.

 Embracing What We Have

The following is not to be taken as encouragement to overlook your pain or to deny your feelings. These are just some ways I have moved forward into what I do have, all the while processing grief during the holidays and healing as needed.

  • Take it one day at a time.
  • Know that Jesus will walk you through this season if you ask Him to. He doesn’t always take away our pain, but he promises to never leave us or forsake us. I definitely take my hurt and pain to Him constantly.
  • Think about what or whom you have in your life that you love. Embrace the joys you could have by recognizing and being thankful for them.

Please let me know if I can do anything to encourage you. Leave me a comment or message me on Facebook.

Much love,

ps> if you missed my other posts on infertility, go here

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