Finding Blessings In Dark Times: Infertility Military Style

by Heather on April 19, 2015

finding blessings

Finding Blessings In Dark Times:
Infertility Military Style

 

Hello friends-

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been enjoying a break from the blog that turned into a quarter-year sabbatical.

The time away has brought clarity and rest. It started out as a much needed break as well as a time to focus on my daughter. The blog was really sucking time away from our mommy-daughter time, which was not ok with me. I’ve been finding blessings in so many things, such as mommy & me classes, outings to the park, and playdates with other moms.

The last few months were full of joy– until about two weeks ago. Early in February, we found out we were pregnant! We spent the first couple of weeks anxiously waiting to get an ultrasound, since we’ve had two early miscarriages.

We saw the tiny heartbeat beating at 7 weeks and our hearts and minds flew forward to October when we thought we would welcome this tiny one into our family.

But then that joy was followed by sadness– we learned just over two weeks ago, Easter weekend, that we lost the baby. We were 11 weeks along.

This was our third miscarriage, and the furthest along so it hurts the most yet. I’m clinging to the Lord and trying to remember His promises even as my mind takes me down dark roads. It’s getting easier as time passes and my body heals.

I have struggled finding blessings in our situation, to be honest. But I’m learning to focus on the good in my life, and not on the fact that things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. I feel supported by friends and family, and loved by so many. But I also feel such a loss. I wish I could know why this little one was whisked away to heaven before we could meet him or her.  God only knows.

I see my almost-2-year old even more as a miracle now. She has brought us so much delight in the past two weeks!

Even though I’m finding blessings, I have been taking time to grieve and process all this. I’ve been touched by the song “Blessings” by Laura Story. I leave it for you to listen to & watch on this YouTube video. It’s really worth a couple minutes to watch.

I know that God has a bigger plan, a bigger picture of what He’s doing and it’s hard to see it in the moment. I’m trusting Him to light our path even in the raindrops and tears…

(click play)

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Debbie Holte April 20, 2015 at 12:39 am

I’m so sorry! I sat and cried for you and your losses today. I pray that God will continue to wrap his arms around you and your family and that you can find comfort and healing in this really hard time.

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2 Heather April 21, 2015 at 2:06 pm

Thanks so much coach. I know you understand this road. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you! ~Rookie =)

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3 Liz April 20, 2015 at 3:40 am

Heather, thank you so much for sharing. It is soo good to know how to pray for you. If you want a good book that speaks to Where is God in pain and suffering, let me know.

God bless you all – remember, your body is going through a lot of things right now. Mourning is so important. I hope you do.

Huge hug from your fan,

Liz Doyle

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4 Heather April 21, 2015 at 2:04 pm

Hi Liz- thanks so much for your kind words. I’m always up for learning about good resources, so I’d love to hear the name of the book you mentioned. I agree, mourning is so important and I’ve definitely been taking time to process. Hugs back!

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5 Jodi April 20, 2015 at 11:18 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss, Heather. Sending prayers for peace and healing. <3

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6 Heather April 21, 2015 at 2:03 pm

Thanks so much Jodi! =)

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7 Sean May 2, 2015 at 2:04 am

Heather-
Just now discovering Happyfitnavywife. You’re such a blessing and such a good writer. Way to put yourself out there. Paige and I have been holding you close to our heart and praying for peace, healing and desires to be granted. I love this window you provide into marriage, military and motherhood. We love the Goffriers! Hearts, prayers and gratitude to you. -Sd3

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8 Heather May 4, 2015 at 1:52 pm

Thanks so much Sean! And thanks for reading my musings =) We greatly appreciate your prayers and support! Hugs to you four! Still looking forward getting all the kiddos together =)
Heather

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