“Emotional Roller Coaster” Dear Heather: From The Mailbag

by Heather on August 3, 2015

emotional roller coasterDear Heather: From The Mailbag
“Emotional Roller Coaster”

I recently received this email from a reader, in response to one I’d sent her. Take a look and let me know how you would respond to this question.
Thanks, Heather!
I really needed that [deployment] tip right now. The report was helpful too. My boyfriend is currently deployed. It’s been over 2 weeks since I last heard from him & I’ve been super worried. This is our first deployment as a couple. I feel like I did not prepare myself enough. I have the same “Is he ok? Does he care? Why won’t he call?!?!” thoughts daily.
It’s an emotional roller coaster!
I’ve been staying busy and keeping up with my usual routine but it’s hard not to constantly think about him & worry. I don’t live near the base so I don’t really know any military wives/girlfriends to talk to. Do you mind sharing any more advice? Anything would be really helpful right now.
 
Thanks!
“Emotional Roller Coaster”

Dear “Emotional Roller Coaster,”

I’m so glad to help! I hear you, it is SOOO hard to not hear from them. And I totally get the emotional roller coaster thing. It is so hard to keep the mind in check. It’s easy for mine to wander into negative thoughts.

A couple things come to mind… check and see if there’s a Facebook page for his command. You can often see what the command is up to and that may give you some peace of mind. (search for his squadron/ship/etc or even look for the base he’s at, which will give general info.)

You can also see if his command’s FRG has a Facebook page. The “FRG” is the Family Readiness Group and it’s purpose is to support families/significant others of the active duty members. They often post activities or updates, pics etc. I know you live far from there but you could possibly connect with some of the people posting/commenting and get more info that way.

On the emotional side… I seriously post little sticky notes around the house to remind me of what to think about. I put Bible verses often b/c that helps me. But you can do any positive phrase that reminds you that he loves you, you’re a strong woman, or diverts your thinking to something else.

I also watched a lot of TV haha! But you could also take some of his emails or letters if you have any, and write what he said and put it on a card. That would be fun! OR (just thought of this) take a pic on your phone of his signature from a card or letter or email, and then you can pop open your phone and see his little I love you message on your screen!
I hope that helps! Good luck and let me know if you have any more questions. I’ll say a prayer for you!

xoxo,
Heather

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kim R at 1200 Miles Away August 4, 2015 at 12:55 pm

I’m right there with you! I will say, the first time is always the hardest. As the days pass, you will start to get used to the absence. For me, I have found hobbies to keep me busy during the quiet times: chalk painting furniture finds, walking my dog and even netflix marathons (no shame). It also helps to actually talk about your feelings, instead of holding it in. Beyond speaking with friends, who may or may not know what you are going through, you can write out your feelings. Yes, the loneliness is there, but also know that there are so many other strong women out there who feel it, too. You are not alone on this journey.

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2 Heather August 5, 2015 at 6:21 pm

Thank you Kim! That is wonderful advice! I hear you with the netflix– I definitely have my shows on DVR during deployment 😉 I love the idea of expressing emotions, whether verbal or on paper. So important! Thanks for your thoughts.

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